Jealously Over An Old Flame

Question

My wife and I have been married five years and are recently separated. Since our separation, my wife re-established a friendship with a man she was once involved with romantically. My wife is very honest and claims it is only a friendship.

I feel intimidated and jealous that this old friendship is sparking while we are separating. Because of my insecurities, I had a brief affair after our separation. I am not proud of this and wish it never happened. We are now beginning to reconcile, and I want to know: should I disclose this information to my wife?

Answer

It sounds as though there are many underlying issues here. Feelings of jealousy and insecurity will not be productive in the reconciliation process. Before investing time into reconciling, take some time to understand yourself. Ask yourself: What are your motives to tell your wife about your infidelity? Sexual infidelity is extremely hurtful to a spouse.

If you do reconcile, seek counseling to work on communication techniques to eliminate these issues in the future. Make time for mini-vacations, have fun together. Life is too short! Pick up a copy of Shirley Glass’s Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity.

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