Question
I am attracted to a woman that I work with and would like it to go further, but don’t want to ruin my marriage. What should I do?
Answer
Affairs create secrets, and keeping a lid on Pandora’s box is difficult. It uses a lot of energy and causes endless strain. Most secrets become destructive, causing one member of the couple to achieve power over the other. Marriage is about equality and becoming partners, not about power.
Talk to your spouse about your feelings of restlessness. Seek counseling that may open up some new dialogue. You may be looking for a change in lifestyle, but not necessarily an affair. Try contacting some old friends that you haven’t seen in a white and work on re-establishing a friendship. Make some private space for yourself at home where you can read or listen to music. Often couples get so caught up in the daily routine of work, kids, and the house that they need some time for themselves that distinguishes them from their spouse.
Do you enjoy laughing with your spouse? Do you share stories of your childhood? Building emotional intimacy is the first step to obtaining a satisfying physical relationship. Once you obtain those two components, your desire to be with another woman will decrease. Pickup a copy of Ebert Pasick’s book, Awakening from the Deep Sleep, A Powerful guide for Courageous Men.
Dr. Francine Barbetta 